


Dear Me

by stozier



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: F/F, if there are any spelling or grammar errors please let me know!!, this is my first fic so idk if it's good or not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2019-01-03 21:57:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12155595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stozier/pseuds/stozier
Summary: Heather McNamara writes a diary. Lesbianism ensues.





	1. one

dear world,  
wait, this sounds too much like heather chandler's suicide note. let's try again. um...

dear... dear... dear me? yeah. let's do that.

dear me,  
what do i say? ive decided to start writing these letters to you because... because why not? it's sort of like a diary i guess. but not too sappy. im not really sure about this whole thing either way.

anyways, school sucks. people suck. life sucks. but what's new? you would know that, you're me after all.

let's talk about what's on my mind right now. right at this very moment, i am thinking about disappearing. would anyone even notice if i did? god, that sounds depressing. but let's face it, life is depressing. more specifically, my life. 

im going to make a list of people who would notice ... hmm. not notice but like... care. a list of people who would care if i disappeared right now.  
\- veronica sawyer  
that's it for now. 

in case you didn't notice, that's a short list. it would be longer. heather chandler would probably also be on there... if she was still alive. she was my closest friend. 

emphasis on was. firstly, she died. that's obvious. but i have a feeling that even if she didn't die that maybe someone else would now be my closest friend no matter the circumstances.

veronica.

veronica is my closest friend.  
veronica sees the good in me.  
veronica is kind.  
veronica accepts me.

and i don't want to ruin that by making it more than just a close friendship. 

no matter how much i want to tell her that i love her. no matter how many times ive wanted to kiss every inch of her perfect face. no matter how perfect, beautiful, kind, or loving she is... i cannot ruin our close bond. 

because what would happen if i did ruin it?

she would hate me. duke would hate me. i would hate myself, although that isn't news.

on top of that, she is dating jason dean. i am not mad at her for liking him. he is rather handsome after all. i have a bad feeling about him, but she obviously doesn't. 

but i do not think that he loves her in the same way that i love her.

god, why does everything have to be so difficult?

im going to sign out for now. im going to the mall to hang out with veronica and heather d. wish me luck, heather m.

sincerely,  
heather mcnamara


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heather McNamara writes a diary. Lesbianism ensues.

dear me,  
it has been two days since i went to the mall with veronica and heather. i am sure that i was making a fool of myself the entire time. whenever veronica looked at me i could feel my face heating up and i couldn't control it.

it was hellishly embarrassing.

so far, she hasn't spoken to or about jason dean. he hasnt been at school for the past few days. i wonder why. 

i am starting to get worried about martha dunnstock. she seems to be getting more and more depressed every day, and heather's constant bullying isn't helping. 

i want to invite martha into our friendship group but i am afraid that heather will judge me or even worse... kick me out. then it would just be heather and veronica. duke and sawyer. no mcnamara. tragic.

i would love to find some new friends. not to replace the ones i have right now, but just to add to the group. how can you say that you are popular when you only have two friends? 

some of the girls in our grade seem nice. martha, betty finn, some others that i don't know the names of. i would love to get to know them, but heather would definitely not allow it. 

heather is starting to get more and more controlling. she tells me what to wear, how to do my hair, how to walk and talk. it is quite irritating because i would like to live my own life however i don't want to argue or my position as a heather might be compromised. 

i wonder what things would be like if heather duke died instead of heather chandler. would things be different? it wasn't like chandler was nicer to me than duke, but i feel like we were closer. plus, she was the one who let veronica into the heathers in the first place.

what would life be like if veronica wasn't let into the heathers? if she wasn't my friend? to be completely honest, she is the only reason that im not purposely overdosing on anxiety medication at this very moment.

in other words, without veronica i would be dead. 

she is the one who lets me cry on her shoulder. the one who's stayed with me on the phone for hours when i called her in tears. the one who takes my breath away every time i look at her and-

im getting carried away. 

i think that the small part of me that hopes veronica might have similar feelings towards me is keeping me alive. without that small ray of hope i would have no happiness in my life.

to end on a happy note, today veronica looked absolutely stunning.

sincerely,  
heather mcnamara


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heather McNamara writes a diary. Lesbianism ensues.

dear me,  
last night i was at veronicas house overnight and we slept in the same bed. that's not anything special, because it's just what friends do, but it did make me feel nice inside. 

plus heather wasn't there, which is good because i know if she was she would probably make me sleep on the floor and let herself sleep with veronica.

veronica and i talked about jason dean and she said that he is rather worrying in his actions.

i asked her what she meant but she just change the subject and asked me who i liked. i replied no one, which is false but it's not like i was just going to confess my love for her then and there. right?

sorry for a rather short entry, but i need to go to sleep if i want to look nice for veronica tomorrow. we are going for slushies at seven eleven, of course with heather, but still. it's going to be very... enjoyable. 

sincerely,  
heather mcnamara


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heather McNamara writes a diary. Lesbianism ensues.

dear me,  
tomorrow is the day of our school pep rally. i am very excited because not only is it always fun every year, but i also get to lead the school cheer. 

but enough about me, you probably want to hear about veronica. yesterday she told me that my outfit looked nice, and i said the same about hers. she was wearing this beautiful blue dress that was very short.

it was hard not to stare.

veronica is just so nice. her smile lights up the entire room. her eyes sparkle when she laughs. and she comes after people when they want to...

anyway.

sometimes i feel like she's the only one who gets me. heather is facing her own battles, i know, but sometimes she seems so preoccupied with herself that she has no time for anyone else. that is fair, because i know what she is going through.

i wish that veronica would talk to me about her own problems. whenever i bring up something about her personal life she somehow changes it to be about me.

im not complaining, entirely. i just get worried about her personal safety. she is hanging out with jason dean after school more often, and coming to school with bruises. 

but i am not one to pry, so all im going to do is hope that she sees the light and stops hanging out with him. 

i miss heather chandler. she was fierce and mean, but she was nicer to me than duke. something i discovered about heather chandler not long ago is that she is only mean to people to scare them. however i don't think she tries to scare people who are her friends... i.e me.

but, heather duke is mean to everybody, for whatever reason. at least when heather was alive she would keep her in line. now there's no one to stop her from whatever destructive acts she wishes to participate in.

im rambling again. 

well now i need to get ready for the pep rally. wish me luck!

sincerely,  
heather mcnamara


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heather McNamara writes a diary. Lesbianism ensues.

dear me,  
oh my fucking god. 

veronica is....  
i refuse to bring myself to say it.  
but i will, seeing as you deserve to know.

veronica is dead.

jason dean just swung by the school and announced it like it was fucking nothing. suicide, he said.

well, jason dean, i'm about to tell you something. it is something. maybe you don't see it because your eyes are too clouded by the hundreds of fucking bruises you're leaving on her perfect body, but i do. 

you don't love her. at least not like i do. i love her for who she is. perfect. nice. beautiful, inside and out.

you only want her for her body. a fucking sex slave. 

how dare you. 

but back to life. life ... what is life? life is useless. well, at least without veronica. 

somebody give me something to live for. no options? fine, i guess i'll just die then. now there's no veronica to save me.

oh, shoot.

i still have the pep rally. i got the news when i walked into school and i fled to the bathroom to write in this diary but...

i have to cheer. it would make veronica proud. 

hey yo, westerburg,  
tell me what's that sound?  
here comes westerburg,  
coming to put you in the ground.

go go westerburg,  
give a great big yell!  
westerburg will knock you out,  
and send you straight to hell!

and to hell with you, jason dean.

to hell with you.

sincerely,  
heather mcnamara


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heather McNamara writes a diary. Lesbianism ensues.

dear me,  
guess what?   
veronica isn't dead!

i know it sounds crazy, but she faked her own death. i asked her why but she said she would tell me later and invited me over to her house tonight with martha dunnstock. 

in other news of equal importance, jason dean is now dead. 

according to veronica he was going to blow up the school, but he blew up himself in the football field instead.

i am confused at what would compel him to do something like this in the first place, but i didn't question veronica.

i am just glad that she is alive.

also, since i agreed to a sleepover with martha and veronica, heather has abandoned me. 

but i don't know exactly what she is going to do, seeing as veronica, heather c and i were her only friends.

maybe martha, veronica and i will become the new heathers.

maybe.

i can only hope that now everything will go back to how it was on the first day of senior year. except veronica is heather c, and martha is heather d.

before all this crazy shit happened. before martha jumped off a bridge. before veronica and jason dean started dati-

wait.

veronica and jason dean aren't dating! i might finally have a chance with her! 

no heather, don't be silly. you didn't have a chance with her at the start of the year when she was single, and you don't have one now.

but i can still dream, right?

anyway, i need to get ready for the sleepover.

sincerely,  
heather mcnamara.


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heather McNamara writes a diary. Lesbianism ensues.

dear heather,  
it's veronica here. you're at my house right now in the bathroom. so i'm going to make this quick before you come back.

i've read your entries, and they are overwhelmingly sweet and filled with love. for the most part. 

can i ask you something? why don't you tell me about the thoughts you are having? i could help you, i really could.

you complain about me not sharing my thoughts with you but don't share your love for me (which is mutual by the way xoxo), your suicidal thoughts or your lovely tribute after my "death".

heather, you are beautiful. you are loved. you are perfect. you are not alone in this thunder dome we call high school.

i will be your friend until the end of time. unless you want me to be something more? :).

call me when you see this <3

sincerely,   
veronica sawyer xoxo


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heather McNamara writes a diary. Lesbianism ensues.

dear me,  
holy. fucking. shit.

did veronica sawyer just ask me to be her girlfriend? 

i think she did.   
holy shit.

oh wait, i'm meant to call her. okay, okay, i'm doing it now. wish me luck.

\--

ahhhhh!!! veronica just asked me on a date. to 7-11.

i. am. dying. somebody save me before i die. 

well well well well well well. i should probably get ready. gotta look good for my girlfriend.

it feels so weird saying that. i have a girlfriend. i have a girlfriend? i have a girlfriend! and her name is veronica sawyer! the veronica sawyer.

holy shit.

okay, i'm going to... go. 

i am looking forward to this date. it'll be... how very :). 

sincerely,  
heather mcnamara ... who now has a girlfriend! :o


End file.
